


All My Friends are Assholes

by BloodthirstyKitten, Kera_moondust



Series: Don't Work In Customer Service (All the Patrons are Assholes) [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Alternate Universe - Retail, Multi, monsterstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-09-11
Packaged: 2018-04-10 13:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4394447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodthirstyKitten/pseuds/BloodthirstyKitten, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kera_moondust/pseuds/Kera_moondust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which a certain mothgirl goes through way too much shit because she cares more than she probably should. Includes too many characters to list, most of them assholes, one of them a perfect cinnamon roll too precious for this world.</p>
<p>Snippets of Kanaya's POV throughout the events of "Sure I'll Check In The Back" and "But You Don't Even Like Coffee," as well as future fanfictions to come in this AU 'verse (so characters/tags to come as the story progresses).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stage Zero, or, Right Before The Mess Truly Starts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kera_moondust](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kera_moondust/gifts).



> When I say snippets, I do mean snippets. These chapters are hella short, but hopefully will be vaguely frequent.

She first asks you at your place, lounged up against your side like an aquatic cat. She’s reading as you’re on your computer, typing diligently back at Karkat as he goes on about his schooling. He’s been going on about his schooling for over a year now, and although you’ve recommended maybe doing something other than computer science, he steadfastly ignores your gentle prodding.

“Kanaya,” your girlfriend says with her head on your lap, not looking up from her book (The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, ultimate edition). “Why do you insist on keeping your friends as far away from me as possible?”

“I do not,” you counter. You’re lying. You’re a terrible liar. You hope she does not press you.

Rose LaLonde would not be Rose LaLonde if she did not press you. “Are you absolutely certain, Kanaya? You seem to go quite out of your way to make certain that my paths do not cross with, for example, the small bundle of anger you’re currently furiously typing to. Or the sphinx that goes a little heavy on the cat puns. Or how about, and I’m just pulling names out of thin air here, ah, Eridan Ampora?”

“You’re better off without Eridan Ampora in your life.”

She lowers her book slowly, looking up at you with the worst scheming smile you’ve ever seen on her. “But Karkat Vantas and Nepeta Leijon are fine?”

“How do you even know their names?”

“I’m quite capable of doing my own research, dear.”

“You went through my phone, didn’t you?”

“Obviously.”

You sigh, interrupting Karkat with an “Excuse Me For A Moment” so you can give your beautiful and terrible girlfriend your full undivided attention. “Rose LaLonde, I have perfectly good and justified reasons for being hesitant to introduce you to the insanity that can be my other friends. You have met one of them already, and she’s... Technically one of the more well-behaved of the bunch.”

“Are you talking about Terezi?” She quirks an eyebrow.

“Yes. Terezi. I’m talking about Terezi. You know how she can be too, and she’s one of the most orderly. Not really the sweetest or anything, but definitely one of the better-behaved. I can guarantee you’re not going to get along with Eridan, he’s... he’s difficult. They’re all difficult.”

“I’m quite accustomed to difficult people. Have you met my brother, perchance?”

“I know, I know.” She makes this so difficult! It’s all too easy to forget your point, especially when she looks up at you with those lidded eyes. It’s halfway between seductive and puppy dog, 100% extremely dorky, and it makes your boodpusher skip a beat because you’re painfully in love with her. “They’re just. They’re a special kind of difficult.”

“I can take it.” Then she arches her back, lifts herself so that she’s looking at you completely level. There’s a wicked gleam in her eye. “Or is this an indication of something deeper? A part of your life, perhaps, that you feel compelled to keep secret. In the dark, as it were, since you’re so prone to light in all its forms, including but not limited to your bioluminescence as a side effect of your rainbow drinker status? Repressing the true cause of such behavior can be detrimental to your social life. Would you like to talk about it?”

You stare at her. She stares back, a smile on her lips. What do you even say to that? You never know what to say to her psychoanalysis. Or was that sarcasm? It was probably sarcasm. You’re betting it was sarcasm.

Oh god she’s going to start talking again her mouth is opening and you’re so lost.

“All my friends are assholes!” You blurt out. “They’re assholes. Every single one of them. I can’t take them anywhere. They’re all high maintenance and the convoluted web they spin is difficult to navigate because they’re all jerks.”

She stares as you. You stare back. There’s a blush crawling up your face, probably setting off your glow. God damn it, you thought you had that under control.

Lipstick-covered lips press against your cheek. “You’re adorable. I promise, I’m quite adept at handling the most pretentious of pricks. Have you met my brother?”

You groan, but she only kisses you more. “You’re going to regret this eventually.”

“Oh, I highly doubt that.”


	2. Eridan No / howw about eridan yes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan reveals his big master plan. It's quite stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Begin Arc 1.

\-- caligulasAquarium[CA]  started pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  at 15:16 ! --

CA: kan theres this really cute guy i saww in the mall   
CA: im gonna date him   
GA: Is He Aware That Youre Going To Date Him Eridan Please Tell Me That He Is And That Hes Aware That You Do In Fact Exist   
CA: wwell no not yet i mean i only just saww him   
GA: Please Talk To Him Before You Decide Youre Going To Date Him Do You Remember What Happened The Last Time You Leapt Headfirst Into A Bloodrushing Romance   
CA: i got slapped really hard in the face   
CA: yes i remember kan   
GA: Do You Remember Why You Got Slapped Really Hard In The Face   
CA: of course i do   
CA: i wawas an egotistical bastard fish that had no idea howw to treat somebody with a disability and thought that their tragic happenstance was the perfect buildin blocks of an actual relationship   
CA: in hindsight im surprised they put up wwith me for three wweeks   
CA: can wwe skip the part wwhere you tell me not to rush into shit and get straight to the part wwhere you ask me about the really cute guy i saww and wwhy im gonna date him   
GA: Im Not So Opposed   
CA: awwesome   
CA: kay   
CA: so hes this super fuckin cute objecthead guy that wworks at boy skylarks   
CA: that wwould be wwhere i saww him by the wway   
CA: only for a second though cause i had to jet asap you knoww   
CA: hes got a computer floatin above his neck wwith no decor and a goofy fake lookin smiley plastered on it and hes skinny as a fuckin rail   
CA: shorter than me though an exactly my type   
CA: i told fef about him earlier and she wwent   
CA: OMG I know ) (im!!    
CA: apparently hes her beau sollux and she said i should woo his ass cause theyre poly and she says wwed do wwell   
CA: so im gonna date him   
GA: Eridan No   
CA: eridan yes   
CA: im gonna try to get his attention durin wwork i think thatd do best   
CA: less awwkwward and everyfin   
GA: Eridan No   
CA: eridan yes   
CA: ill ask fef for his schedule i think   
CA: so i can get there wwhen he’s wworkin   
CA: bonus points for me and all i love skylarks shit  
GA: Are You Absolutely Certain That You Can’t Talk To Him Any Other Way  
GA: Have Feferi Introduce The Both Of You Or Something Less Potentially Troublesome  
CA: howw wwould this be troublesome  
GA: I Can Think Of A Few Ways Eridan  
CA: im sure itll be fine kan stop wworryin  
CA: youre such a wworrywwart  
GA: I Reserve The Right To Say I Told You So 


	3. Rose, Stop Putting Ideas In John's Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Egbert learns that Karkat Vantas exists.

“Who’s that?!”

You jump as John leans over your shoulder, mashing his face uncomfortably close to yours. You never did get used to the Egbert-Harley fashion of as much physical contact as possible for their breed. It would be easier to get used to if John Egbert wasn’t the sort of careless slime that would accidentally put parts of you _through_ parts of him in various hugs, nudges, bumps, and once, a pretty sudden fall. He says it doesn’t hurt, but it’s still quite disconcerting to watch and feel your hand slide right through his stomach.

You subtly lean away from him, lifting your phone a little higher, above you and your girlfriend. You’d been showing her pictures of your various “associates” at the apartment she technically shares with Jade and Dave and John as she tries to read _Good Omens_ for the ninth time. You say technically only because she spends much more time at your residence than here. “His name is Karkat Vantas. He’s a good friend of mine.”

“You never talk about him.” He takes your phone and you swallow back the wince as slime goes over the case. You know it’ll be fine, but something in you just mentally recoils. It might be the moth in you; it reminds you of the cocoon. Not that you can remember it, really, being a liquid mass at the time, but sometimes you get this vague sense of ooze and remember jade slime as you clawed your way out as the moth you are. “Then again you’re pretty mum on your friends in general, huh?”

“I’m trying not to be.”

“Mmmmmmhm.” John’s scrutinizing Karkat’s face. It’s not the best picture you’ve ever taken of him- a candid of him at your dining table, a steaming mug nearby. He was looking to the left, a scowl on his face, and wearing that stupid sweater he’s had for years. That was the day he’d gotten a B on a test on his own. You decided to treat him to hot chocolate, just to get his mind off of how much he’d had to work just to get a B. And because that truly was a good grade, especially considering how... well, Karkat isn’t the best coder around.

“He’s cute, isn’t he?” Rose asks, lazily looking over her shoulder at John. You stare at her with something that feels like it should be curious. It’s probably toeing the line between comically stunned and irrevocably confused. She’s... doing something.

“Really cute,” John admits. He smiles, giving your phone back. “Hey Kanaya, is there any way I can like... I dunno, meet this Karkat?”

“Um.” What do you say to that? “Why do you want to meet Karkat?”

“Because he’s really cute, I dunno. Why, what’s he like? Is he an asshole?”

Rose snorts at your side, the most undignified laugh you have ever heard. You pat her face soothingly, pretending you don’t know why she’s steadfastly smothering the grin decidedly _not_ spreading over her face.

“Well. He’s. He’s a little caustic. Somewhat abrasive,” you start, thinking careful of what you know of Karkat and what he likes to pretend. The face he shows you, after all, is not the face he shows the rest of the world. “He’s really sweet, though. He cares a lot for everybody, even if he says he doesn’t. He works hard for everything, even though he could ask for help he never does. He has to do it himself.” You respect Karkat. You adore him, actually, and quite frankly (for the sake of a meme) he’s a precious cinnamon roll, too good for this world. Too pure.

Even if he swears more colorfully than anybody else you know.

“He sounds cute.” John hands your phone back to you. You swipe to the side a few times quickly, looking for one picture in particular. It’s another candid, this time of your younger almost-brother laughing at something off-camera. You can’t quite remember what it was. He has a wide grin when he lets people see it (which is almost never) and right after this was taken he’d demanded that you delete it. Thank god for recovery features.

“John Egbert, it does sound like you might fancy mister Vantas,” Rose coos from your side. John goes bright blue.

“He’s just cute! Okay? I can’t think somebody’s cute anymore?”

“Yeah Rosey, you’re a little late on digging out his latent homosexual tendencies,” Dave says as he walks into the living room. He’s got his 3DS two inches in front of his face, thumb pressed hard against the buttons. You’re betting Animal Crossing. “We kind of figured out John’s superhomogay back when he was like thirteen.”

“Bisexual!” John and Rose chorus, one more incensed than the other. “Seriously,” John continues, “Why does everybody forget the B word? You’re bisexual and you forget the B word!”

“Superhomogay’s more fun to say.” Dave sits at a nearby chair. “So tell us more about this Karkat Vantas, I wanna see John pretend he doesn’t have a sudden crush.”

John splutters and you stall. What do you even say? “I don’t think I can... _explain_ Karkat. I adore him, and the whole scope of his being is better experienced than exposited.”

“He works at a coffee shop in the mall,” Rose says. She meets your frown with a smile, lopsided, smirking and planning and completely crafted. What is she _plotting_? “You should go see him yourself.”

John shrugs, pulling his arms closer to him almost sheepishly. “Nah, couldn’t possibly. It’d be so weird, going to see somebody at work because their faces are cute or whatever.”

“I have to agree with John,” you say slowly. You’re remembering Eridan’s very recent conversation with you and how much his plan sounded like nothing but extreme disaster. “It would be much better if I introduced you two properly, I think.”

“No way, that’s even weirder!”

There’s an audible click from the peanut gallery. Dave lowers his newly closed 3DS, leveling the most deadpan stare at John. This includes one raised eyebrow for dramatic purposes. “You should at least go see if he’s as cute in person as he is in pictures, Egbert.”

“Dave!” John’s still blue in the face. Terezi would probably call him a blueberry smoothie or something along those lines. “I’m not going to just go in there alone and stare at some guy who doesn’t even know me creepily! That’s... that’s weird, why are you trying to convince me to do stupid stuff. I’m too old for stupid stuff. You’re too old for stupid stuff. We’re like twenty, Dave. No.”

“How about Dave yes?”

“You don’t have to talk to him, John, just see him. It won’t be any trouble if you just go see him, not for you or for Karkat. And you get coffee too, win-win.”

“But I don’t even like coffee!”

“Dude.” And now Dave’s standing up, walking over with a... well, with a stride, if the pun didn’t physically hurt you to make. He claps both of his hands on John’s shoulders, 3DS shoved in his pants, wings tilted back. “You totally wanna go see him.”

You can’t see John’s face for the Strider. “No! Yes? Maybe a little but no!”

“What if I go with you?”

“... Wanna get some coffee?”

“Sure thing, bro. Always down for some joe.” Half a pause. “Aw shit dude that rhymed, holy fuck I’m awesome in every way. How did you ever bring yourself to leave me?”

John slaps him gooily. You can hear it, a schlap that probably left some slime behind. Both of them are laughing, the dweebs. You’re not surprised they used to date, nor are you surprised that Dave slaps John’s ass as the latter turns to you.

“Is he working today?”

“Tomorrow,” you sigh. “Around 10AM to 2PM or so.” You should tell them that it’s probably not a good idea. Somehow you don’t think they’ll listen. “I would advise you to be nice, boys. He takes his job very seriously, and although the Leijons are very nice to him he’s always rather stressed.”

“We’ll be nice,” Dave drawls. “Of course we will, _mom_.”

“Good.” You cozy back up with Rose, who’s got her nose buried back in her book. You don’t feel like doing more friend-showing, so you pull up tumblr. It’s mostly clothes and landscapes, beautiful aesthetics. And then there’s your friends’ blogs. (Why you’re following Dave Strider on tumblr you’ll never know, but the overpowering presence of memes on your dash is always his fault.) “Because if I find out you’ve done anything bad to that boy I’ll personally correct your behavior. Understood?”

“Yes mom,” Is the chorus as they leave. Judging by the Nintendo sounds coming from the adjacent room, they decided to play Mario Kart without even asking each other.

You look down at the aquatic woman curled up like a cat at your side. “Rose.”

“Hmm?”

“What are you doing?”

She smiles at you, closing the book but keeping her place with one finger. “I believe it would do our boys good to get out for a bit, don’t you? See some people.”

“Somebody’s going to set something on fire, Rose, and there’s a fifteen percent chance it’s going to be me.”

She shrugs. “Hey. He could make a friend.” A valid point, Karkat could use more of those. However, you can’t help but think...

“He could also set LOLCAT on fire.”

Your girlfriend sits up, pressing a kiss to your cheek. She spares a quick grimace over the back of the couch (you can hear Dave rattling off the obstacles ahead of him from the other room) before leaning back. “Kanaya, darling,” she only calls you _darling_ when she’s being sarcastic or ironic, “You adore Karkat more than the moon, don’t you? Almost more than me?” (she bats her eyelashes at you and you decidedly don’t bl- okay you blush, you can’t lie.) “Don’t you trust him not to set things on fire?”

“Well. Yes, I do, but-”

“Besides, if he does anything, it’s probably John’s fault. You have full permission to beat up my roommmate, and my darling brother, because mister Strider over there is also probably to blame.”

“I heard that!” Dave calls through the doorway.

“I’m surprised you can hear anything!” She snaps back. She’s going to get wrinkles- You soothe her face out with one hand, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. You somehow manage to get hair in the eyelashes of your lower two eyes, fine blonde things that flutter away when you blink.

“Shoosh,” you hear yourself say.

She smiles slow and sweet. Your bloodpusher skips a beat. “Shoosh yourself.”

“Still might set something on fire.”

“But it’s going to be awesome.”


	4. Kanaya Is The Best Moirail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kanaya Maryam ditches class in order to console her pseudo-brother.

You’re in class when you get a call. Most of the time, you ignore phone calls while you’re in class. You’re practicing how to sew in zippers, however, so you figure you can step out for a second. You’re good at zippers.

Caller ID says that it’s Nepeta.

“Hello.”

“Hey, Kanaya!” It is indeed Nepeta, sounding... worried? You stand up taller in the hallway, suddenly tense. You wonder what happened. “Are you, um, busy right now?”

“Nothing I can’t leave.” Which is true. You can walk out of class. Nobody’ll question it- you haven’t skipped a class yet this semester; if you talk to your professor he’ll understand. It was an emergency. Or, at least, it probably is. Her tone worries you. “Why?”

“Ummmmmmm,” she stalls. You can imagine her coiling a cord around her finger, biting her lip, staring to the side. A shame her phone doesn’t have a cord for her to twirl as her wings restlessly twitch. “It’s Karkat, he’s, he’s not doing so well. At all. He’s um.” A swallow. “He’s in the back room now, he’s crying, he- he started sobbing during work and I don’t really know why? He asked for you, um-”

“I’ll be right over,” You assure her. There’s something cold in your chest nestled under the worry. It’s most likely fury, the most righteous fury you can possibly pull out from your center of being. You almost feel laughably like a mother. “It should be ten minutes if the traffic is bad.”

A sigh of relief. “Okay, thank you. I’ve already texted Meulin, so. Um. Please hurry? We’re fine here without Karkat since she’s coming so he can go home too, I just want him to be okay...”

“I’ll be over as soon as I can.”

You say your goodbyes, a short and simple affair, and stride back into your classroom. You’re gnawing on your lower lip, which you stop. It takes maybe two minutes to tell the professor that you have an emergency and to grab your bags. You don’t dismantle your station; you forget to in your rush out. You’re at the mall within minutes, traffic having cooperated with you once in a lifetime. You apply lipstick as you ride up the crowded escalator, concentrating your fury into the green paint on your lips. 

First things first, however. Karkat.

Your stride is long as you enter LOLCAT Cafe. It only took you six minutes to get there. Nepeta’s behind the counter, fretting, serving people and looking over her shoulder worriedly. To your surprise, you also see John and Dave loitering in LOLCAT, sitting together at a table and looking somewhere between anxious and... guilty.

You may only be Kanaya Maryam, seamstress moth, but the pieces start to fall into place. It’s a clumsy picture, still rather cluttered, but you can guess that these two had something to do with it.

At least the cafe didn’t burn down.

You lean over as you pass by, murmuring in your most stern voice: “We’ll talk later. Go.”

It’s painfully rewarding to watch them scurry away as though you’d started a fire under their seats. You didn’t even really need to break your stride that badly, walking up to and past Nepeta.

“He’s in the back,” she says as you walk by. You knew, but you thank her nonetheless as you open the door and step inside.

Karkat looks broken. It’s the first thought that occurs to you as you see him slumped over in the chair, fists curled up in his hair, horns poking through. His form is unraveling slightly, giving him small nubby horns and fissures of bright red glow at every joint. A little farther and his skin would harden, give away to chitin and start to form plates, give him a push and his entire being would begin to change structure- but you’re not thinking about that and neither is he. You’re setting down your bag, sitting by him, scooping him into you. His head goes _flump_ right into the muff of fur at your chest, his arms   
wrapping loosely around your waist.

You hold him there for a while, listening to him sniff back tears. You breathe slow, it’s a contrast to his fast and sharp gasps; he rests there and hiccups into your chest quietly.

“What’s wrong?” you ask finally, softly, cradling his head.

It hurts that you’re entirely unsurprised when he starts bawling. He cries into your fur as you pet his hair softly. He needs that, the touch, the assurance. You’re here.

“I can’t,” he croaks out finally through his sobs. It should take you more effort to decipher what he’s saying, but he’s cried in your arms so often that you’re familiar with Karkat Sob-eese. “I can’t fucking do it anymore, Kanaya, I just fucking—I can’t, this fucking homework, those fucking people—they come in every day, okay, every _fucking_ day and they never drink the goddamn fucking coffee, and that’s—fucking—that’s the only thing I can do _right_ anymore and I guess I’m failing at that too now because that fucking bird that fucking slime I fucking—“ he dissolves into more breaths. You stare straight ahead, knowing, just _knowing_ , who the “fucking bird” and “fucking slime” are.

You are definitely going to have some _words_ with those boys.

“And then, fucking... Midterms, Kanaya, fucking midterms and I’m going to fail. I’m going to fail, I quit, I can’t fucking do it, I’m dragging myself through the fucking dirt and I can’t take it anymore but I have to take it because I can’t drop out of college! I can’t do that! What would I do? What would Kankri say to that, prove that he was right and fucking—what would my _dad_ say, Kan- fuck-“ He sniffs, hard, coughing on his tears. You start to rock back and forth, shooshing him softly.

“It’s okay,” you murmur. You doubt he can hear you. “It’s okay, Karkat. I’m here. I’m here, and you’re okay, and you’re going to be okay. I believe in you. You can get through this. Shoosh.”

It’s a full five or so minutes before he sniffs again, hard, and tries to sit up. He rubs at his eyes, red and aching, and the fire red veins that arc from the sockets back down his neck start to fade. He gulps down air and you watch his shape slowly settle for the grey-tinged skin you’re familiar with.

Good.

“I hope you know you’re not going back to work.”

“What?” He looks up at you, mouth agape. You fight the urge to call him an idiot for half a second before thinking it anyway, lovingly, the stupid idiot thinks you’re going to let him go back and continue to risk his mental health. No, not on your to-do list. “No, Kanaya, I- I have to get back to work, my shift’s not over for-”

“Nepeta informed me over the phone that she and her sister can handle the store without you for a day. Meulin has demanded that you go home and relax so that you don’t pop a brain vessel from stress.” You boop his nose. His shoulders rise with that, a pouty scowl crossing his face. God, your not-brother is adorable. “And you need to not think about work and school for one day, Karkat. Just one. You can return to twisting your mind into knots afterwards.”

“You can’t stop me,” he mumbles as he sways. He immediately looks guilty for saying it, which you amplify in with one raised eyebrow and pursed lips. You can’t stop him? Isn’t _he_ horribly mistaken. On a good day, you’d throw him over your shoulder and walk out, carrying him fireman style, but you have to gather his things and carry those. Your outfit does not allow you to force your secondary arms out (you are younger and still less practiced than your sister; it takes significant effort to maintain a functional second set of arms and wings that can do more than flutter), unfortunately, so you have to manage this with one set. Easily doable; you just like the mental image of literally carrying Karkat out of his place of torment.

You settle for pushing him out instead, passing by Meulin and Nepeta. You wave politely, keeping your other hand firmly on Karkat’s shoulder.

“Thanks for the hard work!” Meulin says, standing on her hind legs. “See you next time!” Nepeta’s to the side, fretting, waving enthusiastically and nervously as Karkat returns the gesture.

You shove him gently into your car, patting his hair and buckling his seatbelt. His bag goes in the backseat and you situate yourself in the slatted seat made for monsters like you that have wings.

“Now, Karkat,” you start as the car goes. “You can’t keep pushing yourself like this. You have limits, dear, and I know you don’t want to believe it but that doesn’t make it any less true. Forcing yourself to handle all of this stress and work isn’t healthy. You have to take a day off once in awhile, okay? Just. Relax. Breathe. I care about you, Karkat, and I don’t want to see you so terribly hurt. Especially not when it’s easily preventable. I know you won’t listen if I tell you to change majors or take a year off or anything, but at least don’t force yourself to the breaking point. You don’t need to take as many classes as you are, especially not with work on top of that.”

A red light. You sigh, thumbing the steering wheel carefully.

“Sometimes your willingness to ruin yourself scares me, Karkat.”

Silence. You quirk an eyebrow, not looking over. “Karkat, did you fall asleep already?”

More silence. You look to the side, smiling softly as you see your pseudo-brother leaning against the window, mouth slightly ajar as he dozes off. His eyes are shut and, for the first time in ages, he looks peaceful.

You avoid every single bump you encounter on the way to his house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm so sorry this is going up slowly, and that the next fic (there is a next fic coming!!) isn't up yet. We have been working on this verse, we swear! It's just been taking a bit, what with life and school and other such things. But it's coming! We promise!  
> Also, say happy birthday to my co-author!

**Author's Note:**

> You can ask us anything about this verse at our tumblrs:  
> yourbloodthirstykitten.tumblr.com for yBK  
> keramoondust.tumblr.com for Kera


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